Went to a Secondary School's friend birthday party yesterday. As much as I do not want to admit, we are all grown ups now. All of us are leading different lives and there are so much years of catch ups to do because what each of us have gone through is so different. The last time I saw some of them was like 4 years ago? 4 years, all of us seem so different. However, I am glad that there still lives a kid in all of us. It is amazing how all of us still remember things that happened in class 4 years ago and laugh about those stuff when that part of our memory is triggered.

We all seem different but similar to the 16 year old us 4 to 5 years ago. Some people are still as childish., some still as funny, some still as attractive. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it felt that I suddenly travelled down the time machine and went back to the days when I was still a 16 year old kid.

Back then, I was the innocent kid who can't wait to grow up and be 18. To me, then, I believed that everything magical will happen when I am 18. I will become pretty, have a handsome and cute boyfriend, become a singer-actress and become the kind of girl who every girl aspires to become. That was my dream and wish then. I thought that love is magical and that the person you like can feel and sense it. That person will magically like you back and romantically, the two of us will live happily ever after. Even if things don't work out, I believe that we will still become best friends after that. I wanted to get married at 23 and become a housewife, waiting for my husband home everyday. While he is at work, I will go shopping, dancing and meet up with my friends. I don't want to have kids as I want to enjoy the lives of 2 lovey dovey beings. That was my picture of my future then. Now that I am 21, I suddenly got hit so hard by reality.

Was it because I always painted my future so idealistically that made me hurt so much when reality hits? I am 21, still a student, not a singer actress and I actually already give up on this dream career of mine. My looks, perhaps slightly above average when I dress up, occasionally, guys may look at me, but that's it, there won't be a after that response towards me. I am 2 years away from my ideal marriage age but I don't have a boyfriend. Now, I realise that both parties need to put in effort in order for a relationship to happen. No point if there is only one person trying. I think it is really amazing how 2 people can get together because it requires both to make effort each time, not just one receiving and the other contributing. Courage, this plays such a great part in it. I still imagine my marriage life to be that of what I imagined when I was 16. I hope that could really happen.

Perhaps things just get postponed but will still happen eventually?