如果你知道，后果会是怎样呢？
我们就这样连朋友都做不成吗？
这么多的巧遇，难道只是巧合，不是所谓的缘分？
会有再见吗？
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
Dreams can only come true if you take the initiative and actions to make it come true
Its amazing how a year has changed me. This year, 2015, has been a really amazing one, filled with lots of changes, challenges, excitement, opportunities and happiness. It has been really long since I felt and experienced this happiness. I guess this is because I finally got the chance to stand on the stage that I have dearly missed ever since I graduated from Primary School.
The awesome feeling of standing on stage was first felt when I was in Primary 1. Back then, I didn't know a thing about show telling in front of so many people. I was nervous, but at that point, I was just doing something that I was selected for and even complained to my friends that I don't understand why the teacher forces me to participate in these show telling competition even though I already said I am not interested this time round. When my teacher told me to tell my parents to send me to speech and drama classes, my parents felt that they are expensive and chunk it aside. No one ever felt that I had a flair in that area, even myself. It was after I graduate from Primary School that I realised that the stage makes me feel special. Without it, I am a nobody. It is only standing on that stage that makes me feel happy and special. I like standing on the stage, having the attention of people and performing to let other people happy at the same time. However, when I was in Secondary School, puberty struck and I became really quiet and not confident about my appearance and myself. At that point, I thought I should give up the intention of standing on stage again and just focus on my studies instead. Indeed, I did really well in Secondary School and got in to a school that was my dream school and one of the top 5 JC in Singapore, National Junior College. However, being just a above average student, I struggled when I was there. Failing the common tests seem to be the norm and I can't describe the dejection I felt then. I felt that I gave up so much just so I can hopefully get good results, but now, I am not good in terms of academics, is a super average girl in terms of looks and I don't have any dream/passion because I already gave up waiting to be given the chance to stand on stage again. That time, I was just a super unhappy girl.
After A levels, I thought finally, I had the time to pursue what I want to do. Yet, this time round, reality struck. Back then in Primary School, standing on stage just simply means the teacher selecting you, giving you a script, you memorise it, you practice hard in front of the mirror and then present on stage. Now, things are different. There are tons of talented people out there competing with you to stand on stage. They have years of experience in dance, singing, acting. Who am I to compete with them? I need to first, attend lessons. To attend lessons, I need money which I don't have because I don't work. My parents will definitely not sponsor me, or rather, I don't have the courage to tell them what I want to do. Thus, I chuck this aside once again and told myself to just focus on studies in university and maybe join a performing arts CCA and see how things go.
University life start and although I got slightly prettier with the help of contacts, I still can't make myself speak up in front of groups. The unhappiness in me got even stronger. I was so insecure back then that I felt that anyone who doesn't talk to me or takes super long to reply my text messages are mad at me or dislike me. I didnt have the courage to join a performing arts CCA in the end because the word "audition" freaks me out. I was so so so unhappy and felt that people are making use of me when they talk to me. I cut my hair super short that time and told myself I want a brand new start. But, cutting my hair makes me look uglier and then, my unhappiness further increased...
Slowly, I got use to university life and got slightly more mature. I went for winter and summer programme to China and Europe. However, both times, I became super shy when I am in front of large group of people and always felt that I am inferior to other people. I needed compliments from other people to make myself feel not bad. It was so bad. Looking through social media newsfeed, I read about my friends fulfilling their dreams, becoming models, dance instructors. Back then, I am someone who is more popular than them. Now, I felt like such a failure. It was back then in Europe while travelling and listening to inspiring stories while travelling that I told myself that things should change when I return to Singapore. I don't want to be so unhappy and I am already 21 then. If I don't start, I will never have the courage or the chance to stand on stage again. When I return to Singapore, I signed up for trial class in Dance Factory because that was the first link that came up when I googled dance classes, and it is the only dance school in Singapore that gives students quarterly chances every year to perform. No audition is needed, and the "class" atmosphere is something I really like about dancefactory.
At first, it was really tough. I cant catch the beats and remember steps. I have to spend hours just to practice 30 seconds of the songs. Whenever the teacher videos in class and when I go back to see, the steps are the same but somehow I just am different compared to other students in class. But, I told myself not to give up. A few months down the road, I attended their annual concert and was deeply inspired. Students of all age groups coming together to put up a show. I told myself then that this shall be my aim in dancefactory. To perform at kallang theatre.
After months in Dancefactory, I finally had the chance to stand on a mini stage at Jcube. It was just a class performance and I remembered how nervous I was then. I kicked onto something while on stage and messed up the front part. My smile was super fake because I was too nervous to control my own expression. But I was so happy then. Slowly, more and more opportunities came. I took up the courage to join the concert planning committee. It was tough at first, having to know people and make people know who I am. But slowly, things got better. Slowly, people started to know me and because they know me, they want to know how I look like when I dance. They notice me on stage and then notice that my strength as a dancer is my facial expression and I sort of slowly get used to the stage that used to be familiar.
And here I am, now, just completed my concert on 12 December. From someone who looks at the stage and wonder when she can stand on stage again, to someone who waits to stand on stage again and then finally to someone who gets to stand on the stage. Dance really changed me. I became more confident with myself and my looks. I learn how to dress up and put on makeup. My emotional intelligence inproved because I have to deal with people who are so bitchy and feels that the whole world revolves around them. I learn to love myself now. If people are not nice to me, it just means that they are not nice people and I dont get as affected as I was in the past. I will just feel that they are super childish and that I dont have time to deal with these childish people and that they will have their just desserts one fine day because the good always wins. This was such a journey. I am super thankful to all the encouragement and opportunities I get from everyone around me. I guess some things can't be chucked aside and forgotten, as much as you hope you can. I am glad that I took up the courage to join dance at the age of 22. I am glad and proud of myself for coming so far. I still have a long way to go but this is a journey and now I realise that these should not be restricted by this thing called "age". Age is really just a number. Because I have come a long way to realise this fact. I tell these to my friends, to pursue your passion and do it before you regret. And I am glad that I managed to brainwash some friends. Hahaha. As for now, I will continue to learn dance. However, acting is what I really like and it has always been my ambition to become a actress. After I graduate, I will most likely attend the drama class because it is so expensive and I can't afford it now. HAHAHA. After that, lets see how things go.
I just want to say that this 2015 has been so awesome and is I feel the turning point of my life. From now onwards, it is just gonna get better. Fighting.
The awesome feeling of standing on stage was first felt when I was in Primary 1. Back then, I didn't know a thing about show telling in front of so many people. I was nervous, but at that point, I was just doing something that I was selected for and even complained to my friends that I don't understand why the teacher forces me to participate in these show telling competition even though I already said I am not interested this time round. When my teacher told me to tell my parents to send me to speech and drama classes, my parents felt that they are expensive and chunk it aside. No one ever felt that I had a flair in that area, even myself. It was after I graduate from Primary School that I realised that the stage makes me feel special. Without it, I am a nobody. It is only standing on that stage that makes me feel happy and special. I like standing on the stage, having the attention of people and performing to let other people happy at the same time. However, when I was in Secondary School, puberty struck and I became really quiet and not confident about my appearance and myself. At that point, I thought I should give up the intention of standing on stage again and just focus on my studies instead. Indeed, I did really well in Secondary School and got in to a school that was my dream school and one of the top 5 JC in Singapore, National Junior College. However, being just a above average student, I struggled when I was there. Failing the common tests seem to be the norm and I can't describe the dejection I felt then. I felt that I gave up so much just so I can hopefully get good results, but now, I am not good in terms of academics, is a super average girl in terms of looks and I don't have any dream/passion because I already gave up waiting to be given the chance to stand on stage again. That time, I was just a super unhappy girl.
After A levels, I thought finally, I had the time to pursue what I want to do. Yet, this time round, reality struck. Back then in Primary School, standing on stage just simply means the teacher selecting you, giving you a script, you memorise it, you practice hard in front of the mirror and then present on stage. Now, things are different. There are tons of talented people out there competing with you to stand on stage. They have years of experience in dance, singing, acting. Who am I to compete with them? I need to first, attend lessons. To attend lessons, I need money which I don't have because I don't work. My parents will definitely not sponsor me, or rather, I don't have the courage to tell them what I want to do. Thus, I chuck this aside once again and told myself to just focus on studies in university and maybe join a performing arts CCA and see how things go.
University life start and although I got slightly prettier with the help of contacts, I still can't make myself speak up in front of groups. The unhappiness in me got even stronger. I was so insecure back then that I felt that anyone who doesn't talk to me or takes super long to reply my text messages are mad at me or dislike me. I didnt have the courage to join a performing arts CCA in the end because the word "audition" freaks me out. I was so so so unhappy and felt that people are making use of me when they talk to me. I cut my hair super short that time and told myself I want a brand new start. But, cutting my hair makes me look uglier and then, my unhappiness further increased...
Slowly, I got use to university life and got slightly more mature. I went for winter and summer programme to China and Europe. However, both times, I became super shy when I am in front of large group of people and always felt that I am inferior to other people. I needed compliments from other people to make myself feel not bad. It was so bad. Looking through social media newsfeed, I read about my friends fulfilling their dreams, becoming models, dance instructors. Back then, I am someone who is more popular than them. Now, I felt like such a failure. It was back then in Europe while travelling and listening to inspiring stories while travelling that I told myself that things should change when I return to Singapore. I don't want to be so unhappy and I am already 21 then. If I don't start, I will never have the courage or the chance to stand on stage again. When I return to Singapore, I signed up for trial class in Dance Factory because that was the first link that came up when I googled dance classes, and it is the only dance school in Singapore that gives students quarterly chances every year to perform. No audition is needed, and the "class" atmosphere is something I really like about dancefactory.
At first, it was really tough. I cant catch the beats and remember steps. I have to spend hours just to practice 30 seconds of the songs. Whenever the teacher videos in class and when I go back to see, the steps are the same but somehow I just am different compared to other students in class. But, I told myself not to give up. A few months down the road, I attended their annual concert and was deeply inspired. Students of all age groups coming together to put up a show. I told myself then that this shall be my aim in dancefactory. To perform at kallang theatre.
After months in Dancefactory, I finally had the chance to stand on a mini stage at Jcube. It was just a class performance and I remembered how nervous I was then. I kicked onto something while on stage and messed up the front part. My smile was super fake because I was too nervous to control my own expression. But I was so happy then. Slowly, more and more opportunities came. I took up the courage to join the concert planning committee. It was tough at first, having to know people and make people know who I am. But slowly, things got better. Slowly, people started to know me and because they know me, they want to know how I look like when I dance. They notice me on stage and then notice that my strength as a dancer is my facial expression and I sort of slowly get used to the stage that used to be familiar.
And here I am, now, just completed my concert on 12 December. From someone who looks at the stage and wonder when she can stand on stage again, to someone who waits to stand on stage again and then finally to someone who gets to stand on the stage. Dance really changed me. I became more confident with myself and my looks. I learn how to dress up and put on makeup. My emotional intelligence inproved because I have to deal with people who are so bitchy and feels that the whole world revolves around them. I learn to love myself now. If people are not nice to me, it just means that they are not nice people and I dont get as affected as I was in the past. I will just feel that they are super childish and that I dont have time to deal with these childish people and that they will have their just desserts one fine day because the good always wins. This was such a journey. I am super thankful to all the encouragement and opportunities I get from everyone around me. I guess some things can't be chucked aside and forgotten, as much as you hope you can. I am glad that I took up the courage to join dance at the age of 22. I am glad and proud of myself for coming so far. I still have a long way to go but this is a journey and now I realise that these should not be restricted by this thing called "age". Age is really just a number. Because I have come a long way to realise this fact. I tell these to my friends, to pursue your passion and do it before you regret. And I am glad that I managed to brainwash some friends. Hahaha. As for now, I will continue to learn dance. However, acting is what I really like and it has always been my ambition to become a actress. After I graduate, I will most likely attend the drama class because it is so expensive and I can't afford it now. HAHAHA. After that, lets see how things go.
I just want to say that this 2015 has been so awesome and is I feel the turning point of my life. From now onwards, it is just gonna get better. Fighting.
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