When can I stop being a witness to someone else's moment?

Love? What's that?

When can I experience love?

Finding someone who you like and that same someone who likes you at the same time, is really so difficult. I really am jealous of people who can find their partners so easily.

Is it my turn yet?

U ARE ALWAYS THE ONE WHO TURNS UR BACK ON ME.

TODAY WHAT U DID REALLY PISS ME OFF BECAUSE WHAT I CANT STAND MOST ABOUT PEOPLE IS PEOPLE WHO DOES NOT REPLY TO MESSAGES. AND THE POINT THAT YOU READ THE MESSAGE WHICH IS CLEARLY A QUESTION, MAKES IT MUCH MUCH WORSE AND UNFORGIVABLE.

EVEN IF U REALLY DISLIKE ME, U COULD HAVE JUST END IT THERE WITH A YES OR A NO REPLY. THEN I WILL GET THE POINT BUT U CHOSE TO JUST IGNORE THAT QUESTION. IGNORING A GIRL IS NOT A GUY SHOULD DO, EVEN IF U DISLIKE HER. DON'T TELL ME YOU ARE BUSY BECAUSE I AM NOT BLIND AND I HAVE A BRAIN. A PERSON WHO IS BUSY WILL NOT GO TO FACEBOOK EVERY FEW HOURS. THE FACT THAT U READ THE MESSAGE AND CHOOSE NOT TO REPLY TRUELY MEASURES HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO U.

THAT IS, I AM NOT EVEN IMPORTANT TO YOU. I WAS SO NAIIVE. SO SO NAIIVE. IDIOT. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE. YOU ARE NOT EVEN TALL, DARK HANDSOME. WHAT WAS I DOING FOR THE PAST WEEKS, PAST SEMESTER??? WHAT A JOKE MAN.

NOW, THE GAME TURNS AROUND. LET'S SEE WHO WIN THIS GAME YA? JERK.

I have always been a rational person. From the start of the new year till now, however, I haven't been.

I think I have spent too much time and energy thinking about all possibilities that I myself aren't sure can happen.

You could be treating me as a friend, maybe an eye candy, maybe a crush, maybe observing and seeing if I am the one for you. But, I am already so tired, been someone who tends to over-think about issues.

It has been around 8 months. Sometimes I think, if you really feel the same about me, our relationship would not still be so stagnant. We are like waiting for chances to occur naturally and I had to make wishes that chances can happen between us when I am a statistics students who know about probability and chances more than anyone else.

Therefore, this morning, I have made a decision. I will only wait till the end of this March. If there are progress between the two of us, by progress I mean wats-apping each other/fb msg each other almost everyday/we going out together/going home frequency becomes often/something along this line, then I will continue to wait. If not, I need to carry on with my life and stop dwelling my emotions onto you.

Yup, this is a promise I made to myself and we shall see till then.

You don't even have my number. You know, instagram and facebook are still so not real.

Went to a Secondary School's friend birthday party yesterday. As much as I do not want to admit, we are all grown ups now. All of us are leading different lives and there are so much years of catch ups to do because what each of us have gone through is so different. The last time I saw some of them was like 4 years ago? 4 years, all of us seem so different. However, I am glad that there still lives a kid in all of us. It is amazing how all of us still remember things that happened in class 4 years ago and laugh about those stuff when that part of our memory is triggered.

We all seem different but similar to the 16 year old us 4 to 5 years ago. Some people are still as childish., some still as funny, some still as attractive. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it felt that I suddenly travelled down the time machine and went back to the days when I was still a 16 year old kid.

Back then, I was the innocent kid who can't wait to grow up and be 18. To me, then, I believed that everything magical will happen when I am 18. I will become pretty, have a handsome and cute boyfriend, become a singer-actress and become the kind of girl who every girl aspires to become. That was my dream and wish then. I thought that love is magical and that the person you like can feel and sense it. That person will magically like you back and romantically, the two of us will live happily ever after. Even if things don't work out, I believe that we will still become best friends after that. I wanted to get married at 23 and become a housewife, waiting for my husband home everyday. While he is at work, I will go shopping, dancing and meet up with my friends. I don't want to have kids as I want to enjoy the lives of 2 lovey dovey beings. That was my picture of my future then. Now that I am 21, I suddenly got hit so hard by reality.

Was it because I always painted my future so idealistically that made me hurt so much when reality hits? I am 21, still a student, not a singer actress and I actually already give up on this dream career of mine. My looks, perhaps slightly above average when I dress up, occasionally, guys may look at me, but that's it, there won't be a after that response towards me. I am 2 years away from my ideal marriage age but I don't have a boyfriend. Now, I realise that both parties need to put in effort in order for a relationship to happen. No point if there is only one person trying. I think it is really amazing how 2 people can get together because it requires both to make effort each time, not just one receiving and the other contributing. Courage, this plays such a great part in it. I still imagine my marriage life to be that of what I imagined when I was 16. I hope that could really happen.

Perhaps things just get postponed but will still happen eventually?

I like you.

Can we get together?